Humor - Elwood the Cat

This is a story about Elwood the cat. Elwood was a mixed breed neutered cat, favoring the Russian Blue breed. He had short gray fur, green eyes, and all of his claws. Elwood loved to go outside at night and romp. We liked to sleep at night. He would make obnoxious noises until we would let him in or out of the house.

One summer my husband was transferred to Florida from Michigan. We could only find a temporary apartment that did not include a yard for Elwood. We asked my mother if she would care for him until we could find a place with a yard. She agreed and we gave her Elwood's food, some money for whatever would be needed, and instructions about letting Elwood in and out of the house to use the yard. This was my mother's first experience with a pet. It did not take long before my mother began coming up with ideas of how to handle Elwood that would allow her to sleep through the night.

Plan #1: The first thing my mother tried was to let Elwood go outside at night but not let him back into the house until the next morning. This plan worked beautifully for a few nights. Mom let him outside one evening. He scratched and howled at the back door to get back into the house. When there was no response, Elwood climbed up the bricks on the side of her house near her bedroom. He then shimmied across the brick to the screen on the outside of her bedroom window. As he hung by his claws from the screen he used his obnoxious howl until mom woke up and let him back in the house. This went on for about a week. Mom began to hatch another plan.

Plan #2: She put Elwood in her car along with his food and water for the night. She cracked the car windows open for air. When she checked on him the next morning, he had deposited his cat pan trophies all over her car, the water was spilled and cat food was mixed in. He was purring when she opened the door. She was horrified and spent most of the day cleaning her car while the cat slept peacefully in the house.

Plan #3: Mom put Elwood and his food and water in her laundry room and said goodnight to him as she shut the door behind her. She slept soundly through the night and woke up the next morning refreshed. Then she opened the laundry room door. The first thing mom noticed was a foul smell. She looked inside the room and nearly fainted. Elwood had found a bag of potting soil that mom had stored in the corner of the room. He had ripped it open with his claws. There were cat paw prints everywhere she looked. He had jumped into the laundry tub, gotten his paws wet, and walked in the dirt that he had scratched out of the potting soil bag. He then proceeded to jump up and pull all of her ironed clean clothes off their hangers. He topped off the performance by using the potting soil for his bathroom needs. Mom's clothes were lying on the floor mixed with potting soil, cat paw stains, and more cat pan trophies.

I did not know that mom was having problems with Elwood until she called me one afternoon from Michigan. She was livid. She began to tell me the different things that she had tried with Elwood so that she could get a good night's sleep. I was shaking with laughter but did not let mom know that I thought it was funny. I composed myself and suggested that maybe she should try a regular cat pan in the laundry room. She tried my idea and Elwood settled down for the night after that. They became good friends.