Writing: Miscarriage and My Favorite Poem

Many years ago (31 years ago), I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. I knew so little about pregnancy and having children. The doctor would not believe that I was even pregnant until I started to miscarry.

This was back in a time when doctors could not determine an early pregnancy with a blood test. They did not tell me that a "morning" urine sample was needed. I went to my first appointment with the doctor after work and the "evening" sample was not sufficient to determine pregnancy. A pelvic exam could not determine a pregnancy either. The uterus was not visible because it was tipped back. The doctor presumed that I was not pregnant but a crazed woman really wanting to have a baby. I just wanted to verify the pregnancy and most importantly find out what type of prenatal vitamin to take. The doctor had no answer for what type of vitamin. He just said, "that's okay honey you have plenty of time to have children." This was after I told the doctor that we were not really trying for a baby at that time but were most concerned about a healthy baby whether pregnancy existed or not. What a JERK! I had a career that I loved and a pregnancy was not exactly planned but we chose to accept whether we were pregnant or not. This doctor jumped to his own conclusions and never did answer my question about the vitamins. Believe it or not, this doctor was known as one of the best doctors in a large metropolitan area for delivering babies and came very highly recommended.

Many weeks after the initial doctor's visit, when I began to show signs of bleeding, I had my husband drop off a "morning" urine sample to have it tested at the doctor's office. The doctor's office called a couple of hours later to tell me that I was pregnant. No fooling! That's what I was trying to tell them in the first place. Now I asked what to do since I was really bleeding. They told me to lay down and put my feet up. I found out later that the doctor was going on vacation and this was a Friday and he did not want to be bothered. I became so weak by Sunday morning that my husband caught me crawling to the bathroom. I could not walk on my own without falling over. My husband lost his temper, called the doctor's office answering service and was told to get me to the hospital. Another doctor met us there that was standing in for my doctor. He was cussing in a foreign language when he saw my condition. I had lost the baby and was hemorrhaging. I thought I had done something wrong to lose this precious life. This doctor was so mad about the poor care that I received but was so very kind to my husband and I.

I did not get pregnant for six years after that. I cried a lot through those years but I also began to study the whole pregnancy and birthing process. I did not want to ever repeat the above experience again. What started out so sad and hard ended in having children and learning much about how all of that works. I have never forgotten that precious child that brought us to a different place in our lives. A great blessing poured in with the knowledge.

In the meantime, a friend sent me the following poem written on a card when I lost that first child. This poem says so much to me even over thirty years later. I hope this poem will also touch your heart and give you a good day:

"How Great the Yield From a Fertile Field**"
by Helen Steiner Rice

"The farmer ploughs through the fields of green
And the blade of the plough is sharp and keen,
But the seed must be sown to bring forth grain,
For nothing is born without suffering and pain,
And God never ploughs in the soul of man
Without intention and purpose and plan.
So whenever you feel the plough's sharp blade
Let not your heart be sorely afraid
For like the farmer God chooses a field
From which He expects an excellent yield--
So rejoice though your heart is broken in two,
God seeks to bring forth a rich harvest in you.**"

**Rice, Helen Steiner: "Someone Cares"/Helen Steiner Rice, page 45, copyright 1998 by The Helen Steiner Rice Foundation, Published by Fleming H. Revell, a division of Baker Book House Company, P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287.

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